Parenting 101

I've thought about this for most of the day and have finally decided to put my words on screen, perhaps to the dismay and offense of others.  Perhaps to the delight of some.  My intent is to do none of those.  Simply just to comment on what I saw today and what I see all too often as I work.

I went to get a pedicure today.  I knew I was going to the podiatrist and my foot wouldn't be in any condition to be massaged for awhile.  On my way home, I thought I'd treat myself to some Cafe Rio for lunch.  That was my first mistake... going into Cafe Rio at lunch.  However, I know they can get that line moving fairly quickly so I braved it.  As in typical Cafe Rio style, the line wove round and round.  I got in line behind a woman and her two kids.  The boy was maybe 10 and her daughter was 5ish.  Mom was standing there in her designer jeans and perfect hair, while the 5 year old clawed at her mother's legs, begging for attention and the boy played solitaire on his Itouch. We hadn't moved an inch when I hear Mom say "We're over here, Mom!"  And then she looked at me and said "Move please, my mother is coming."  There were probably 8 people behind me at the time, as well.  No "Excuse me" or "I'm sorry can she squeeze in?"  Just a simple demand.  So I moved as best I could and not only did her mom cut in, but also two more children:  a 13 year old boy and a 3ish year old girl.  Immediately, the two girls are now crawling not only up mom's legs, but all over the floor, through other people, getting stepped on, etc.  Boy still ignoring it all on his Itouch.  Mom talking to Mom and ignoring all children all together.  13 year old staring blankly into space, not noticing the line has moved.  Young mom finally tunes in when youngest jumps on her back, trying to get her attention and screaming that she wants a drink, to which Mom immediately turns to 13 year old and demands that he cut back through the entire line, go to the cashier and ask for a water cup.  He does.  As soon as he returns, 5 year old girl tries to fight 3 year old for water and Itouch brother asks why he didn't get one, too.  Mom demands brother return to cashier for more water cups.  Teen boy rolls eyes, irritated beyond belief.  At this point, we've only moved about 8 feet. 
As teen boy returns, I see Young mom waving over yet another person to "jump in line with them."  Her dad joins the group with TWO MORE CHILDREN.  Dad immediately playfully pushes Itouch boy, to which Itouch boy takes this as an indication to rough house in the line and lowers his head into Grandpa and swings his arms around, flailing as though he was having a seizure.  I looked at Grandpa, as he's encouraging this behavior and said "REALLY?!"  He glared, turned around and took Itouch boy under his arm to move forward.  All of this continues, kids pushing, crawling up and down legs, jumping on backs, playing with line divider thingys, etc.  Mom is clueless.  Grandparents are clueless.  Just letting the kids do what they want. 
They finally get to the ordering portion where mom makes sure each child gets exactly what they want, right down to the 3 year old who started to kick and scream when mom ordered a taco instead of a quesadilla.  Mom promptly switched the order.  They finally made it to check out where it took all three adults to pay while the kids moved on to the soda machine and promptly spilled two drinks everywhere.

Some of you are going to tell me I'm not a parent so I therefore no nothing about how hard it is to raise kids.  You may try to tell me I just don't know what that mom was going through and maybe this was a real treat.  You may say I'm entirely too judgemental.  Yes, I know all of these things. However, here are a few other things I know:

• If I EVER acted that way in a public setting as a child, my mother would have taken me to the car, and probably home.  She would have ordered for us, leaving us at the table to mind our manners.  That is IF we got to go out.  That was a huge treat. What she ordered was great- nothing customized.  Nothing to whine about or demand.
• Regardless of whether I've had children or not, I have common sense and manners and social skills which tell me that behavior like that in public is inexcusable, especially with THREE adults to chaperone.
• My sisters all have kids and never ONCE have I seen them allow their kids the luxury of pitching a fit to get their own way because mom ordered for them.  I have taken most of my neices and nephews out in public, or been there with them, and am proud to say they sit in their seats and don't climb all over benches.  They don't kick and scream.  They don't rough house.  I'm proud to say that if one of them has tried it, my sisters or brothers have promptly enforced the consequence, be it going to the car or not ordering dessert or whatever.
• The way your children act in public is a reflection of how they act in your home, and therefore, is a reflection of who is in charge at your house.  Why are you allowing your children to run the show?  You're their parent.  Not their friend.  They're not supposed to like you all the time.  They are supposed to respect you, each other, other people.  How can they respect you when they've learned at 3 years old to kick and scream if they don't get their way and it works?!  My youngest neice is almost a year and she already knows what the word "NO" means.  Learn it yourself.  Use it. Teach it. Demand it.
• I know parenting is hard. Some days you just can't do it. Some days you'd rather eat out than cook.  Here's some advice.  Do the drive up. Quit taking your kids into public places when you don't have the energy to control them. All you're teaching them is how to manipulate mom.
• Finally, BE THE PARENT.  Think about their behavior and say "Will that still be cute when they're 16?"  Because if you don't correct it, they'll still be pitching fits, rough housing in lines, tearing stuff off shelves, jumping on you and disregarding what you say their entire lives.  Your kids will be the next ones I post about.  Your kids will be the ones I teach who don't understand deadlines and want exceptions made because you've taught them they're entitled to it.  Your kids will be the ones the neighbors dread coming over because they put their feet on the furniture, eat all the food, leave a mess and break your gaming system but leave without telling you it was them.

I think I'm done. Say what you need to say.

Sub for Santa

Each year my school participates in a Sub for Santa program.  I'm one of three teachers that help coordinate the efforts.  My Peer Leadership Team works with the SBO's to raise money for families in need that might not otherwise receive a special Christmas.  I've been doing this for many years now and every year is a different family, a different amount of money, a different feeling in the school.  I can tell you stories of families who have seen hardships beyond your imagination.  I've seen a grown man brought to tears because all his daughter asked us for was a bed for him to sleep in. (and we got it, thanks to RC Willey).  I've seen a teen mom accept presents moments after she's taken her morning hit.  I've seen mothers collapse into tears in my arms simply because they don't comprehend the enormity or generosity of our students and what we bring to their home.  My favorite was many years ago when a single dad with one daughter came to pick up his gifts.  I handed him a bag and he started to walk out, thanking me profusely for the one bag.  You can't imagine the confusion in his face when I told him to wait, the other six bags were for him and his daughter, as well. :)  He was so humbled and immediately began to ask me what he could do to repay us- did we need extra janitor work?  Could he come in after school and clean some toilets?  I just smiled as I held back my tears and told him No. The best repayment was to go home and enjoy the holidays with his sweet girl.  After he left, I quickly walked myself down to our secretary in the office and cried at her desk.  I love this project!

This year I was having a little bit of a struggle finding my Christmas spirit for our program.  We've started collecting money by having Penny Wars.  Each advisory class is given a jug at the beginning of each day.  Any pennies or checks donated to your class count as positive points.  Any silver or cash counts as negative points.  So the students have a grand old time adding positive points to their jugs and "bombing" other classes with negative points.  My Christmas spirit was lost because there were a few individuals who kept trying to find ways around rules or do things I didn't agree with.  Although I knew we were going to be helping five very deserving families, I just couldn't find the happiness and gratitude I usually feel while we run this.  The money was coming in and we actually ended up raising a record breaking amount of money this year.  But I just wasnt into it.  (doesn't this sound like a Hallmark Christmas movie in the making?)

Shopping day finally came and we piled our kids into the district Suburbans and headed to Wal-mart.  Imagine herding 20 kids through Wal-mart at Christmas.  LOL  good times, good times.  Anyway, we headed back to school and completed the process by wrapping, sorting and labeling every last present. 

I looked at the other two teachers and realized we had once again broken a record by being done before school was out.  The kids were amazing.  It was time to call the families to let them know we were ready to deliver.  The problem was... I've got laryngitis.  I couldn't talk to my families like I've always done.  This is my favorite part!  So I had to rely on some good people to make the calls for me and coordinate times of delivery.  Once we've done that, it becomes a game of stealth and timing to get massive amounts of presents in and out of the school without the students seeing you.  My dear friend, "Debbie", had offered to help deliver this year since I was under the weather.  She's never done it before but its not rocket science.  She coordinated with a couple of families and got to experience what I've received every year I've been doing this:  the overwhelming feelings of gratitude, humility, peace and love when in service to others.  I missed that part.  However, it was just as much fun to get to let someone else experience it for the first time.  I felt my Christmas mojo come back a little as Debbie relayed, quite tearfully, her experience of meeting families in such humble circumstances.  It works out every year.  Somehow it always works out.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Wordful Wednesday- via Meg via Cocoa

I've mentioned my sister Meg follows a blogger named Cocoa, who hosts Wordful Wednesday.  I've decided to participate this week and post on my Favorite Christmas Tradition.  My sister did a magnificent post on her blog and if she wasn't private, I'd link you over to her, but that would kind of be a waste of time since you can't see it.  She is also an amazing writer and I just throw out my thoughts so there would be a marked difference between the two!  haha  I don't know if there are specific rules I have to follow, like posting Cocoa's logo for this, so I hope I'm not breaking any "blog world rules." :)

My tradition is relatively new, considering my entire lifetime.  I'd say it started maybe 6 years ago?  I can't really say.  As you may know, I'm not married and I don't have any children.  I'll admit, there are moments during the holidays where it takes a lot of control not to feel resentful or irritated that when I wake up Christmas morning, I wake up to just me.  I know everyone wants to throw out words of comfort or say things in an attempt to make it less awkward for themselves, but really, its a fact.  I'm fine with it.  And no amount of words can change it so moving forward... :)

For several years now I've been spending Christmas Eve at one of my siblings homes.  I get to wake up Christmas morning and watch the kids open their presents and find notes from Santa.  I get to experience the excitement that comes from children receiving that perfect gift they didn't know they wanted until they opened it.  And all of that is truly spectacular and reminds me of my own Christmas's from years ago.  Maybe the one where Meg got a guitar.  Or she and I got a tv and then promptly got grounded because we broke the antenna fighting over it haha Or the one where I unwrapped the most awesome pair of cowboy boots a girl could hope for.  All of it still fills me with wonder.

But the best part of this tradition is my nieces and nephews.  They truly take care of their Aunt Fame.  In the beginning, I stayed at Meg's.  The Hotel "Anonymous" reserved my room, complete with turn down service and wake up calls. Since Meg and Herc have both been living out of state, I've been staying with Emi the past few years.  I would come down and the kids would show me to my room and make sure I was settled.  We'd get to leave out treats for Santa and the reindeer.  In the morning, Emi would come down to let me know the kids were ready.  I think she even let Cinderella come down one year to wake me. 

This year, I hadn't heard from anyone.  All my siblings are back in the state so I was wondering what I was going do.  Just three days ago, my phone rang.  It was Molly.  She asked me, very politely of course, where I was staying for Christmas.  When I told her I wasn't sure yet, she asked if I would like to stay with them this year.  She was SURE they could have a guest room ready for me and promised mints on my pillow.  How can you refuse that?  Especially when she's been out of state for some time?!  I accepted her invitation.  Only later did I find out that Molly had done this without the rest of the household knowing haha She later informed her Aunt Emi that I would be staying with them this year instead of her.  :) 

Its such a silly thing, but aren't most traditions?  Mine makes me feel so loved and supported and special.  I really am the coolest aunt who always has gum in her purse. ;)

Another one for Meg

Who am I?

I was doing my read through on my blog roll and noticed a post from my niece entitled "Who am I?"  Well, dah, I know who she is so just who exactly is she introducing herself to?  hee hee  Anyway, she did this great post and then "tagged" anyone reading her blog to do it themselves.  So in honor of Samantha, here's my little Christmas time reflection on Who am I?

• I am an aunt, sister, and daughter.
• I am a teacher and hard worker.
• I am a friend with all age groups and varieties of people.
• I am an avid reader.
• I am an LDS woman who tries to live what she believes.
• I am a good swimmer in my head but in real life just someone who enjoys the water.
• I am an organizer and planner who likes to think she goes with the flow despite all good planning efforts.
• I am a closet Dawson's Creek fan.
• I am a horrible saver.  Junk papers, old clothes, money- not a saver, unfortunately.
• I am a great cook, bread products being a specialty.
• I am me and content with that.

So- like Samanthabeth, I'll tag you and see what you have to say. :) Hurry up so I can read it.

Merry Christmas!

"Its better than Amazon." Really?

I've been trying to track down a book called "Small Change:  The Secret Life of Penny Burford" by J. Belinda Yandell.  It is no longer available in print and most warehouses don't have it. 

I checked B/N.  No luck.  Checked Borders- LOL.  Tried Amazon.  Everything was coming up used and since I wanted two copies to give as gifts, I hoped to find something new.  It was looking grim.

I called The King's English, a local book store similiar to The Shoppe Around the Corner in You've got Mail.

Anytime I hear about something great happening there, I think of Kathleen Kelly walking the isles and helping people find their book match and then hearing "Faux.  F.A.U.X"  Anyway, back to my story.  I called and asked if they could help me find this story.  The man was so very nice and explained that there was a place I could check since they didn't have access to the book anymore.  He told me "Its better than Amazon, I promise.  Its just not as well known.  Plus, they're very reputable and keep your information confidential." 

Ever heard of ABE Books?  Me neither.  Meg probably has because she's such a book fiend, but I logged on and started searching.  My first search turned up many used copies of the book I wanted and then... towards the end... there they were!  Two new copies waiting for someone like me to find them!  My total order, including 3-6 day delivery?  $15.07.  YES! 

Two more gifts done.