I had to speak in church today. And since I told my mother she couldn't come (I got that idea from Emi), she told me I had to post my talk on my blog. It makes me more nervous to have people there as "support." Weird, I know. So- this is a LONG post. I had to speak for 20 minutes... what?! Anyway, if you want to read Elder Holland's talk, its called
The Best is Yet to Be.Happy Valentine's Day :) Leave it to Bro. Page to ask the single girl to speak on the holiday of love. BUT! I'm relatively new to the ward. I've been here since July, but this is the first time I've been at the pulpit. So I thought I'd tell you a little about myself. I actually live across the street and have been there for four and a half years. I haven't been inactive, just attending a different ward. I grew up in the Murray Holladay area and attended Cottonwood. I went to Snow College and then finished at Utah State. I am currently junior high teacher in the Murray District- thankfully not Jordan! So when you put me in a room full of 14 year olds, I'm completely at ease. Adults are an entirely different story and looking at all of you is a little overwhelming! I teach the cooking side of home economics and when word got around in my last ward that that was what I did for a living, they somehow got the idea that I'd be a qualified enrichment counselor. So that is what I've been doing for the past 2 1/2 years in my Parley's ward. I haven't been in a family ward since I was 18- and that seems a long time ago. It was about a year ago that I started to feel really unsettled in my life. I didn't feel like I was where I was supposed to be, not only with my ward, but also where I was in relationship to my Heavenly Father. I don't know that I was doing anything really wrong, but I also wasn't really doing anything really right, either.
So I tried a couple things to jumpstart myself. They didn't really seem to work. I began to feel like I needed to leave the singles' ward. I fought it for awhile because being in a singles ward is an easy way to say you're trying in the dating world. I started asking my RS president to be released. She is a good woman but not the type to ask to be released from a calling so it took about 6 months before we were released as a presidency. In that time, I was restless and anxious. I kept questioning my decision to leave and make some other necessary changes in my life.
I finally made it here. And I'm so grateful I did. There have been so many small signs that have reassured me time and again that I'm in the right spot for me right now. Those small signs have reminded me over and over how very much aware of me my Heavenly Father is. One of those small signs is being able to speak on this topic today. In the January Ensign, there is a talk by Elder Holland. It is entitled The Best is Yet to Be. When I first read this talk, it was all I could think about. I kept coming back to it. I have read it several times over the past two months and given copies of it to two of my favorite people in the world. So when Bro. Page called and asked me to speak, I don't think it was coincidence that is was this particular talk or that Jen Cuthbert is out of town. Apparently she was on the docket for speaking this week. In some very small way, I thank her for being in Park City. :)
"Look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future." That could easily sum up Elder Holland's talk. He says he wants to talk about "the past and the future, with an eye toward any time of transition and change in our lives- and those moments come virtually every day." He chooses to focus on Lot's wife and tells us "Remember Lot's wife." We know that Lot and his family live in Sodom and Gomorrah- where men and women did the worst they could do. The Lord advised them to leave and not look back. The actual verse in Genesis says "Look not behind thee, lest thou be consumed."
Lot and his family went ahead and left- after some reluctance. As they were leaving, Lot's wife looked back. She disobeyed. With that simple act, she was destroyed, as she was turned into a pillar of salt.
There are two things here I want to focus on. First, Lot's family, as Elder Holland phrases it, left "with less than immediate obedience and more than a little negotiation." How often do we respond in this same manner? I know of numerous times in my life where I am slow to do what the Lord asks of me- where I try to negotiate my way around something. If the Lord was a negotiator, He would cease to be God. He is bound by his own rules and absolutes. We will not be able to cut corners or ask for leniency because we were slow to obey.
The second thing I want to look at is what Elder Holland points out. Lot's wife did not necessarily sin simply because she looked back. He says " Apparently what was wrong with Lot's wife was that she wasn't just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her." I've thought alot about this and think it can apply in numerous ways in our lives. But my first thought was repentance. Lot's wife wanted to go back. How many times do we want to go back to our sins? When you repent, do you do it half hearted, wishing you could keep some of that lifestyle with you? Elder Maxwell says "Such people know they should have their primary residence in Zion, but hope to keep a summer cottage in Babylon."
I took a trip last summer to CT to see my sister. We traveled over to Rhode Island and saw some of the summer homes of the old money families of America. The Rockefellers and Vanderbilts. They were literally mansions on the coast- guilded in gold, imported Italian marble, solid wood staircases. I can't even begin to fathom the cost of those summer cottages. At what cost is our summer home in Babylon coming? Are we trying to keep our past because we are fearful of our future? Elder Holland says "It is possible that Lot's wife looked back with resentment toward the Lord for what He was asking her to leave behind. So it isn't just that she looked back, she looked back longingly. In short her attachement to the past outweighed her confidence in the future." I know for myself that I doubt. I think most of us do. We doubt the Lord can provide us with anything as great as what we believe we are leaving behind. We lack the patience for what he has promised us- not a summer cottage in Babylon but an eternal mansion in heaven. In order to get to our eternal home, we must have faith in the future. "When we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future."
In order to look to the future, we have to forgive and forget. In D&C 58"42, it says "He who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven and I the Lord remember them no more." If the Lord remembers them no more, then neither shoudl we. But it is sometimes easier to forgive someone else their trespasses than ourselves. I've often wondered why this is and I think its because Satan wants us to remember. He wants us to be sad and long for that Babylonian summer house.
"Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that peopel can change and improve. The proviso, of course, is that repentance has to be sincere, but when it is and when honest effort is being made to progress, we are guilt of the greater sin if we keep remembering and recalling and rebashing someone with his or her earlier mistakes- and that someone might be ourselves. We can be so hard on ourselves- often much more so than on others. To be tied to earlier mistakes is the worst kind of wallowing in the past from which we are called to cease and desist."
When we repent, we can't be Lot's wife. "Dismiss the destructive and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family, your friends and your neighbors. God doesn't care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go."
So where are you willing to go? Such a good question. I had to be willing to make a small change in coming to a family ward and do it whole heartedly. You may be called to do something different and more challenging. "Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow and forever. That is a New Year's Resolution I ask you to keep."
And that's wrapped it up. Whoa.
